


you have seen my shadows, you have eased my pain

by irleggsy



Series: irleggsy | Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (of sorts), Angst, Dissociation, Fake Dating, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irleggsy/pseuds/irleggsy
Summary: Ushijima and Tendou are at a restaurant together when Tendou spots his shitty ex-boyfriend."Tendou," Ushijima repeated, a solid and fortuitous presence. Tendou’s breathing was coming out harsh and ragged at this point.He snatched Ushijima’s hands and laced their fingers together, giving him a nervous smile. "You’re my boyfriend now."Tendou would have cackled at his utterly baffled expression if he weren’t as panicked as he was. "Excuse me?"Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020 Day 1:Fake Dating| Breakfast | Coffee Shop AU
Relationships: Tendou Satori & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Original Male Character(s) (Past), Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi (implied)
Series: irleggsy | Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811692
Comments: 24
Kudos: 561
Collections: Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020





	you have seen my shadows, you have eased my pain

**Author's Note:**

> i've never done a fanweek before so i'm really excited to be participating in [The 2020 Shiratorizawa Fanweek!](https://stzfanweek.tumblr.com/)
> 
> tbh i'm not off to a good start though,, i really struggled with writing this and it turned out a LOT angstier than i originally planned (will i ever stop projecting? the answer is no) but fuck it i wrote this with my own two hands so i might as well put it out there.
> 
> i'm not sure when this is set--is it post-canon? is it a future fic? is it an AU? it doesn't really matter lmao the only important thing is that ushijima & tendou are still best friends and they share an apartment.
> 
> cw: implied/referenced past physical/verbal abuse

Tendou was casually observing the menu when he spotted _him_ across the room. At first, he thought he was imagining it, but then his face came into full view.

“Oh, fuck,” Tendou whispered. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, _oh fuck.”_

Ushijima put his menu down, unfazed by Tendou’s litany of fucks. “Hm?”

_Maybe he didn’t see me,_ Tendou prayed.

He turned around and made direct eye contact with Tendou.

Tendou made an _eep_ sound and ducked behind his menu.

“Tendou,” A large hand pushed his menu down. Ushijima, now concerned, gave him a quizzical gaze. “Are you alright?”

Tendou shook his head. _Oh God, he’s going to get seated soon, there’s no way he won’t approach me, I mean my hair is redder than a fucking stop sign, I’m running out of time, what do I do what do I do—_

“Tendou,” Ushijima repeated, a solid and fortuitous presence. Tendou’s breathing was coming out harsh and ragged at this point.

He snatched Ushijima’s hands and laced their fingers together, giving him a nervous smile. “You’re my boyfriend now.” 

Tendou would have cackled at his utterly baffled expression if he weren’t as panicked as he was. “Excuse me?”

Tendou made a whining noise. _This is a terrible fucking idea, but it’s not like I have any better options. Oh God, he’s coming this way._ “Please. Just say we’re dating. Please,” he begged. He drew his hands back and wiped them on his pants. _God, I am so sweaty._

Ushijima made no move to leave so Tendou figured he was partially alright. “Tendou. Please elaborate.”

Tendou shook his head. “No time, just—”

“Satori,” a voice drawled, artificially sweet and falsely charming. “Fancy seeing you here.”

If Tendou thought he was sweaty before he was wrong because _now_ he was sweating bullets. “Hey~, Sasagawa!” he replied, surprisingly steady. “What a coincidence!”

Sasagawa huffed. “What, I’m _Sasagawa_ now? Not Wakahiro?” 

Tendou shrugged, not even bothering to answer. “What are you doing in Miyagi?” he forced out.

“Visiting some family, running some errands,” He inspected his nails. “The usual,” Sasagawa grinned, razor-sharp. 

Tendou nodded a little too quickly. “Uh-huh. Cool. Awesome.”

He jerked his head towards Ushijima. “Not going to introduce us?”

Tendou glanced over at Ushijima, who was staring at them dispassionately. “He’s shy,” he mumbled. “What have you been doing recently?” he asked, valiantly trying not to let his voice crack. _Subtle topic change there, Satori. Real proud of ya._

Sasagawa snickered. “More like _who_ I’ve been doing recently,” he revealed. “I’ve been getting around, same as usual,” He paused, looking at Tendou expectantly.

“O-okay…?” Tendou squeaked, unsure what to say.

Sasagawa stepped close (too close!) towering over Tendou with a deadly smirk. “You could be part of that again,” He brought up a hand to caress Tendou’s cheek and leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I’ve missed you Satori,” His breath was hot against his skin and he leaned down to _lick a stripe up the column of his neck._

In _public._

Tendou whimpered. He couldn’t help it. He was _terrified._

“I’ve missed hearing those noises from you,” Sasagawa purred. “Making those marks, showing everyone who’s _mine,”_

On impulse, Tendou shoved him away. He stepped back with surprise that quickly turned to anger. _“Don’t._ Touch me!” Tendou reached a trembling hand out and linked it with Ushijima’s, not even daring to look at him. “I-I have a boyfriend.”

**_Not_ ** _how I wanted to come out to my best friend, but beggars can’t be choosers._

Sasagawa looked back and forth between them and scoffed. “You’re kidding me.”

Tendou squeezed Ushijima’s hand a little harder, bristling at his accusatory tone. “I wouldn’t _lie,”_ he said, lying.

“You wouldn’t?” Sasagawa asked, mockingly confused. “But who would want you?” He tapped his chin contemplatively. “What is it that they called you again? Monster, was it?” He smiled, and it was all teeth.

Tendou flinched.

_Monster, monster, monster. Is it really so impossible that Wakatoshi would date me?_

His eyes darted over to Ushijima’s face, silently pleading for him to intercede. 

Ushijima was _shaking_ he was so angry.

_He’s probably annoyed with you. He’s probably wondering why you’re acting so weak. He probably doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore, he’s_ **_disgusted._ **

“But it’s okay. I want you, I do. Do I need to remind you?,” Sasagawa pouted. “I’m the only that you need. You can still come back,” He stepped forward again and laughed when Tendou let go of Ushijima’s hand and frantically scooted back in his chair. He tried (in vain) to put more distance between them, but his back quickly hit the wall. “It can be just like old times.”

Tendou flinched, reflexively hunching into himself. The old times were _painful,_ rope-burn raw wrists and bite marks he never asked for littered across his skin. A galaxy of blues and purples, yellows and reds blooming across wide planes of skin. He just _barely_ got out last time, he couldn’t do that again, no no _no—_

Ushijima’s chair made a screeching sound when he stood up. “Get _away_ from Tendou,” he snarled.

Tendou melted with relief.

“I don’t see your name on him,” Sasagawa smirked. “What are you going to do about it, pretty boy?”

Before Tendou had a chance to react, Sasagawa reached forward and grabbed his wrist, yanking him upwards, _hard,_ painfully so. Tendou let out a little yelp at the force of it, stumbling forward into his chest, one hand around his wrist and the other around the back of his neck. There was pressure there, not uncomfortably tight, but undeniably a threat.

“That’s it Satori,” He started leading him away from the table. “I always knew you were good at following directions, don’t want to cause a scene here do we—”

_“Let. Go of him,”_ a voice hissed.

Ushijima’s voice was so vehement, so _furious_ that Tendou barely even recognized it.

“Excuse me?”

Ushijima lunged forward and wrenched Sasagawa’s hands away from Tendou, who was still shaking in fear. Taking advantage of the opening, he immediately backed away, hiding behind Ushijima’s solid build.

_Don’t hyperventilate. Don’t hyperventilate. In, 2, 3, out 2, 3, in 2, 3, 4, 5, out 2, 3, 4, 5._

Tendou was very tall, he would be the first one to admit that, but Sasagawa made him feel small. He was only an inch or so taller but it made all the difference. He made him feel puny, inconsequential, insectlike, as if he would be stepped on at any moment. 

(Ushijima, despite being the same height as Tendou, also made him feel small. But in a good way! Like he would protect him from all evils of the world. Like he was his knight in shining armor. Like he was his guardian angel.)

(Okay, that might be a little too dramatic, but right now, shielding Tendou from his sadistic ex-boyfriend it sure felt like it.)

He was actually starting to feel okay, pressed against Ushijima’s back, _safe._

Then the yelling started.

Tendou checked out.

_I think I just dissociated into another dimension,_ he thought faintly. He was still slightly aware. Through the ringing in his ears, he was able to catch faint snippets of the commotion around him.

“—actually dating? I call bullshit—”

“—dare you. Keep his name out of your—”

“—you want with a twitchy little freak like him—”

“— _not_ speak of Satori that way. How can you live with yourself—”

“—whoa, whoa, whoa hey there—”

“—being. You need to go, right now—”

“—joking around. No harm, no foul, right—”

Ushijima had grabbed his hand at some point, squeezing it tight, grounding him. Tendou pressed his face against the fabric of his t-shirt, finding comfort in the smell, trying desperately not to collapse.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re causing a scene and disturbing our patrons,” Another voice. Female, this time.

“This is all one big misunderstanding. You see, _they’re_ the ones who pushed me.”

“Sir, we have a restaurant full of eyewitnesses who saying you instigated the argument,”

“Now I don’t think you quite understand. Where’s your manager?”

“Sir. Your behavior is unacceptable. Don’t test me.”

“Your boss will be hearing about your attitude.”

_“Excuse_ me?”

“Did I stutter?”

“Tell it to my face, then. _I’m the manager._ And if you continue this behavior, I _will_ call the cops.”

“You’re a bunch of cowards. All of you, cowards—”

“Sasagawa. _Leave,”_ _Oh. That’s Ushijima again._

“Oi, just let me speak to Tendou, one last time.”

Tendou tensed, fisting the fabric of Ushijima’s fabric even further.

“Don’t even _look_ at my boyfriend,” Ushijima growled.

_Boyfriend?_ Tendou’s heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest.

“So you weren’t kidding after all, huh? Satori, sweetheart, over here—”

Tendou dipped out of consciousness again.

* * *

_“...l_ o _?_ …. _El_ lo? _Hello?”_

Tendou blinked. 

“Are you alright?” the manager asked. Ushijima loomed behind her, an expression on his face Tendou had never seen before.

_Fear._

_He’s scared. Is he scared of me? For me?_

Tendou nodded, dazed. He was sitting down now, a plush couch underneath him.

“You’re in my office. You’re safe now,” Her voice was soothing. “Here. Drink.”

Tendou gladly took the glass of water and downed it, trying to push down the bile rising in his throat.

When he finished it, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “...I’m sorry… for causing this… mess,” he croaked.

“You didn’t cause anything,” she firmly assured him. “I’ve seen my fair share of shitty ex-boyfriends,” Her voice softened. “I think you should head home, yeah? Next time you come around, just tell them you’re a friend of Noguchi’s. I promise that you’ll get a meal on the house,” She passed him a business card.

Again, he nodded. He took the business card and held onto it like a lifeline, crumpling it in a clenched fist. He was too shell-shocked to respond verbally.

“Satori,” Ushijima said softly. “Let’s go.”

_“Don’t even look at my boyfriend,” Ushijima growled._

Tendou took his hand.

* * *

A taxi and an elevator ride later, they were back at the apartment. Tendou was practically putty at this point, allowing himself to be tugged and pulled in any direction at Ushijima’s will. 

When Ushijima opened the door, Tendou took one step forward and collapsed with relief.

“Tendou!”

“‘S alright,” Tendou mumbled against the tile, holding his hand out in an ‘OK’ gesture. “Just leave me here.”

Ushijima kneeled, rolled Tendou over so he was on his back, and scooped him up, bridal style.

Tendou would be ecstatic at any other time. He’d been begging Ushijima to carry him around, ‘Just once, pretty please?’ for months.

Now, he just laid there, content to be manhandled. 

Ushijima walked to his bedroom and laid him down in bed, gently coaxing him to take off his jacket and his pants. Unable to find anything clean in Tendou’s wreck of a room, he left and returned some of his own clothing.

Tendou’s throat constricted.

He passed him a pair of well-worn cotton basketball shorts and an overstretched-hoodie, things that already looked oversized on his large frame but simply swamped Tendou. 

“Do you need Tylenol? Soup? Water?”

Tendou burrowed under the covers. “Nngh…”

“Tendou…”

“It’s okay, miracle boy. You don’t need to deal with me anymore.”

A moment later, Tendou heard footsteps. The tell-tale creak of his squeaky door.

He let out a shuddering breath he didn’t even know he was holding. _He’s gone. I can cry now._ Fat tears began to roll from his eyes, one hand fisted in his sheets and the other covering his mouth.

He jerked in surprise when he felt his mattress dip under Ushijima’s weight. A calloused hand tugged gently at the blankets, exposing his shaking form.

Tendou twisted away with a sob. He didn’t want Ushijima to see him like this, _no,_ not at all. He was pathetic. Weak. He didn’t know what he was expecting. A disappointed stare? A demand for an explanation? Disgust? The more rational part of his brain knew Ushijima wouldn’t do that to him, but he was all over the place today.

These two parts of his life were never supposed to cross over. He spent so much time, so much effort making sure they would remain separate, that he could wash his hands of his time with Sasagawa, but he just had to shatter his spotless façade. 

A pair of strong arms embraced him from behind.

Tendou froze.

What?

_What?_

A hand awkwardly pet his head.

Tendou pinched his cheek. Nope, not hallucinating.

_...Oh my God. He’s doing what I do when he’s upset._

Those instances were sparse—Ushijima was not easy to upset—but there were days where Tendou just _knew_ something was wrong. Days where he made sure to comfort him, reassure him, days where he would constantly chase him down with casual physical affection, things like—like— 

Ushijima ran his fingers through his hair and Tendou melted underneath the touch.

Like hugging him and playing with his hair.

“I apologize for not stepping in sooner.”

Tendou shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Ushijima. I wouldn’t know what to do either.”

“Still, I am stronger than this.”

“You and I both know strength isn’t everything,” Tendou chuckled weakly.

There was a heavy silence.

“Who was he?” Ushijima rumbled.

Vague. Open-ended. An option to refuse without truly refusing.

“...My ex-boyfriend,” Tendou responded in a small voice.

The arm wrapped around his torso tightened, almost as if he were unaware he was doing so. It dragged Tendou’s body towards Ushijima so that they were even more flush than before, and Tendou could feel the rhythm of his breathing.

“None of those things he said were true.”

Tendou hummed. He wasn’t so sure about that but it took a load off his chest to know that Ushijima thought so.

“I am serious, Satori. You are not a monster. You are so much more than the false truths he implanted within you.” 

_Satori._ Tendou made a strangled noise. “Wakatoshi… You don’t understand.”

“No, I think I do,” Ushijima hesitated. “Not entirely. I suppose in some ways I do not. I will never _truly_ understand how he hurt you, or how it felt, or how you must deal with it. But I understand you are worth more than the way he made you feel.”

“Are you disgusted with me?” Tendou blurted out.

A pause.

An extended one.

Tendou couldn’t handle the suspense anymore. He turned around in Ushijima’s arms, which wasted no time bringing him back close, and he went breathless at what he saw.

This might have been the most emotional he had ever seen Ushijima before.  
  
Heartbroken, angry, cautious, confused, protective, tender, just, _everything._

“Satori. I could never be disgusted by you.”

Tendou broke.

He cried, and he cried, and he cried, and it was ugly, it was gross, it was _loud,_ and Ushijima held him through all of it.

“I will not leave unless you want me to.” _I’m here._

“Even though I’m getting snot on your shirt?” Tendou sniffled.

“Besides the fact that we own a washing machine, I own 3 shirts identical to this one.”

Tendou broke out into laughter.

_I’m so glad it was you._

**Author's Note:**

> if you want something more light-hearted i also made a [shitpost haikyuu animatic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15RxdKFx45w) for the 'coffee shop AU' prompt.
> 
> okay so tendou's ex's full name would be **笹川 若大** (ha ha jokes very funny it's because he's tall i know). yes, sasagawa is a reference to katekyo hitman reborn, no, don't @ me. other ideas included an ushisemi 'from up on poppy hill AU' referencing the breakfast song and an AU where tendou and terushima fake-dated (because i thought they would be a hilarious duo) and everyone lost their shit. i'm keeping them in mind for later... maybe.
> 
> HUGE thank you to my beta lilleeboi on [ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilleeboi/) and [tumblr](https://lilleeboi.tumblr.com/) for their encouragement and patience with my middle-school understanding of punctuation. <3
> 
> [tumblr](https://irleggsywrites.tumblr.com/)|[instagram](https://www.instagram.com/oborokoto/)|irleggsywrites@gmail.com
> 
> please leave a comment on your way out, it's the only way my stupid lizard brain stays motivated to write <3 thanks for reading!


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